The Red frock to Green Tea..

Just yesterday,I was looking myself in the mirror and thought " Do i always have to look like this? ".How can i be so comfortable in what i look like?,when the obesity is cracking up your head since you were 1!

Its not that i haven't done anything about it,its just that i have failed miserably many a times.But the important part is I fail, I do not quit..am not sure if its the first step to success but it really is a reality check to how badly you want to be a successful story!

Now the story starts when i was a year old, someone gifted me a very pretty red frock.

My mom tried to fit me into it as i was being taken for a photoshoot,everything was pretty fine till we reached there.
As soon as i was made to sit on a chair there was a shrieking sound of the zip being forcefully open apart.There was pin drop silence in the room,i could see all the lights flickering into my eyes and not to forget my pretty red frock was torn.
The shoot was cancelled obviously.

After a few years, I was in my 2nd grade.On children's day i wore a pink gown to the school.

On the assembly dice,i was standing and was about to give a speech on Jawaharlal Nehru,when the same thing happened again.
This time there were a lot more people around me and a bigger platform and this time there were no lights infront of my eyes but tears of embarrassment.
My class teacher held my hand,we walked down the stage,and she used her saree's safety pin to cover up my torn gown temporarily,but the damage had been done,permanently!

Moving on, in 5th grade i had my first crush but couldn't go and talk to him not because i was shy but because i weighed 50 kgs!
Damn! He weighed a lot lesser than me.
I would see him sitting with my best friend and they used to share their tiffins,they used to gossip, such fun times!!

By 8th grade, everybody in the class knew i liked him.One day i was being chased by some class friends and as i was fat i never liked running..I just slipped and fell just infront of his seat,the horror doesnt end here,when i stood up there was a huge crack on the floor.Maybe it had always been there but now i was a joke for everybody in the class and he just stood there confused,after all how can he laugh on his gfs best friend?Well,he left school in grade 9th..left me,still fat.

You know,i was a very good dancer ever since i learned walking but no one ever gave me a chance in school because of my weight,Body shaming is not just a discrimination but is a mental sickness that is communicable!

It commutes to family members, class, coachings,society and finally to us too..

Why do we start to bodyshame ourself?
-Because we aren't doing anything about it.
-Because the majority of humans do so.
-Because it gives us self satisfaction.
-Because it gives us false ray of hope.
-Because it provides us with an escape root.

NO, not in my case atleast.

-I started to visit the gym when I was in 7th grade,i avoided the carbs,the fats, cheese.. Everything!
Its been 10 years and the weighing scale still doesnt show an array of 50's to me.
(Maybe the green tea weighs too much!)

Green tea is a full universe!

I don't care anymore,
Why is that so?
Self Love.
Yes, it is indeed.

If you do not love what you are, how are you going to love what you will be!

All through the 22 years of my life,What i lacked was not motivation, time, strength, mobility but Love.. That is Self.

Today the Red frock, the Pink gown doesnt concern me.

What concerns me now is that,

Will every baby,every girl who is in that frock or gown be able to love herself when there would be huge cracks if she takes a stand for herself!?